Time To Walk Away?

Washington, I need your help.

Some of you may or may not have noticed my absence at a couple of recent Caps games. I was actually down in Florida for a week and a half visiting my girlfriend for as close to Christmas as the schedule would permit. I scheduled my flight home on the 20th, the last possible day before the next home game. Well, forty has a way of making you pay for thinking you’re still twenty, and come time to get dressed for the game the next night, I was more road-weary than usual, and I had absolutely nothing left.

I was in my usual spot against Anaheim on Monday night, and, well, we all know how that turned out. And then, on the way home, somebody on the Metro was giving me a bunch of guff that my magic wasn’t working. Well, no kidding, Kojak, you didn’t say anything I probably hadn’t told myself more than once before I even got on the train.

I’m sure there are a few of you who are dying to know how Florida was. Well, in a way, that’s kind of what got me writing this post, although this is certainly not going to be a recount of my travels.

I suppose I’d better just come right out and put all my cards on the table. I’ve been out of work for several months, and I’ve been drawing down some money my father left me when he died. That money is almost gone. Absent some new income, soon, I can’t afford the place I’m in much longer.

Meanwhile, word going around amongst all the people I met in Florida was that the VA at Bay Pines was desperately in need of veterans to fill some of their job openings. Civil service pay goes a lot further in Florida than it does in DC. I actually found a place 15 minutes away from Bay Pines by bus that was offering 2-bedroom apartments for 33% less than what I’m paying for my current 1-bedroom set-up, with in-unit laundry.

Yes, I really did look into it that seriously.

Meanwhile, the only thing keeping me here in DC has been the Capitals. I don’t really have any close personal friends here in DC, my immediate family is all overseas, and I have no extended family in the area. And, well, since I’m putting all my cards on the table: I’m a bit of a hermit with the exception of Capitals games, and I don’t have any close friendships in DC, either. And while that is admittedly on me, if I’m too terminally shy to get out of the house all that much, then DC, Florida, what difference does it make, aside from the rent?

As for the Capitals. (This is the hard part.) I’d like to think that I’m doing some kind of good for the franchise. Now, obviously, if we’re going to go by the scoreboard, then it’s an easy decision. Whatever I’m trying, isn’t working as well as I’d like it to. Believe me, Caps fans, if I could will the team to victory all the way from Section 417, we’d be taking victory parades for granted by now. But with 30 teams all competing for one championship, there’s so much cross- and counter-intent going around that it would take more skill than I currently have to take it all on all by myself. (Which is not to say that I don’t try.)

So, if not the scoreboard, then what? What good am I really doing here? Any at all?

And here, DC, is where you come in. This is where I need your help.

First, business. If you are, or know someone who is, hiring, drop me a comment and I’ll get you my resume. Comments are set to full moderation, so for the business replies, no one will see your post but me. You know the passion I bring to Verizon Center on game nights? Give me a chance, and let’s see if I can do the same for you.

And now, to my fellow fans, this is where I need to hear it all. Am I doing any good here? If so, then what good is it?

Look, I know I’m yesterday’s news: that news, by itself, is already yesterday’s news. I just need to know that what I’m doing isn’t in vain. That’s the one thing that keeps me up nights: the idea that all I’ve ever done here, is ultimately worthless.

But no one person can know the entire answer to that question, which is why I have to kind of crowdsource it.

I know there are some who are going to see this as an exercise of ego on my part. I have to shake my head at the cynicism, but I’d have to be as blind as a hockey referee to not see the nattering nabobs ready to pounce on a post like this.

But post it I must. I have to know where I’d be doing the greater good. And that really is the whole dilema: How do I know where the greater good is, if I can’t even quantify how much, if any, good I have done (may do?) in DC. I know what good I can do if I get out of DC. What I don’t know, is how much good I could do if I stay. So…the more I know, the better-informed my decision will be.

So with that, I suppose I’d better stop talking and start listening.

–Christmas Day, 2013