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Beneath the Cloak: Uneasily Single June 16, 2008

Posted by CapitalSpirit in Uncategorized.
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(Loyal readers: I had this drafted last week pre-award show, in an effort to write at least SOMETHING on here in a blogosphere decade. I dumped it in my Drafts folder and debated for a bit whether I should run it or not. I’m going to take a chance and run this, to see what kind of reception it gets. Leave your flamethrowers on their lowest settings, if you would, please. Thanks–CS)

I have to admit to leading a bit of a monastic life. And some of that is, admittedly, by choice. I’m not sure if there’s any woman who would–could?–fall in love with a guy like me. I’m a bit of an odd duck, even by my own admission. Hockey? Tarot? Angels? Alternative healing? Not everyone’s cup of tea when you put it all together, and some of the folks in one interest would be put off by some of the others. So I’ve kind of resigned myself to being hopelessly single at this point, because I’ve been such a loner for so long that I’d forget the flowers and let the door slam right in her face.

A couple of seasons ago, the Caps did this video of a boyfriend and girlfriend, one of whom is a certifiable lout. Two versions, actually: one where she’s the lout, and then later, one where he is. They set both to “I’d Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That)” by Meat Loaf. In the first version, she beats him at rod hockey, makes him get a Maui Wowee instead of a beer, and leaves him waiting outside the ladies’ room with her purse (to the amusement of passing fans). Then they get to their seats, and she takes off her coat to reveal the road team’s jersey, right as Meat Loaf is singing “but I won’t do that.” In the second version, he forgets to hold the door for her, eats cotton candy out of the trash, and slurps ketchup out of the packets straight up, and then he also reveals a visitor’s jersey. Anyway, after she walks out on him, she’s out on the concourse moping, while a piano softly plays “As Time Goes By.” Humphrey Bogart, call your office! Next thing, a drink is being very suavely slid her way by a guy in a Caps jersey, and the song then switches to “What a Man.” Both of those were certifiable hits with the Caps crowd, and the first version actually won the Caps an award. It was an award for video board production, and I think it’s called a Golden Matrix.

Anyway, I would so be “but I won’t do that,” even with a Caps jersey on my back. (Concealing it with a cloak doesn’t help things, I should think.)

To console myself, I have to tide myself over with geeky little proofs like this:

RELATIONSHIPS=TIME * MONEY
but TIME=MONEY
therefore RELATIONSHIPS=MONEY^2

Given MONEY=SQR (EVIL)
then MONEY^2=EVIL
therefore RELATIONSHIPS=EVIL

I can laugh at the idea of using sarcastic algebra to explain away my “single but off the market” status, but I know better. Humans are meant to be in relationships, which is an idea that goes back to the dawn of human history. We’re social creatures, not solitary ones. And even though I thoroughly enjoy throwing on my cloak and doing my best to be the life of the party up in 417 at Capitals games–and we’ve had a lot more to party about as of late–I still tend to retreat a lot, and spend more time alone, not exactly out on the market trying to find ways to spend more of my TIME X MONEY.

Meanwhile, literally as I was putting the finishing touches on this post, I got an email from the NHL Fan Faceoff panel asking me to recruit volunteers. I’ll mention it here, and if you want to help the NHL improve, click on that link and see if you qualify.

CAPITAL SPIRIT
EAGERLY AWAITING THE NEW SEASON

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Comments»

1. MB - June 18, 2008

Hang in there, just because you haven’t met her doesn’t mean the perfect hockey-tarot-angel loving girl is not out there.


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