Capital Spirit

I could have been on that train. I could have been on that train. I could have been on…that train…

I haven’t been able to dislodge those words from my mind since last night. I could have been on that train.

It’s the sort of mental refrain that could drive a man to momentary madness. I could have been on that train.

The Capitals Select a Seat event was last night, and I had been slated to arrive at 6:30. I’m not quite senior enough to warrant first crack at better seats, and that’s fine–I know my place. I thought about heading downtown right after work, and grabbing a bite near the Phone Booth. But the bus heading home was sitting right there when I got to the bus stop, and I got this very, very strong idea–it was almost a need–to get on that bus right now and stay off the Metro at all costs. If the bus hadn’t been there, I would have walked straight to the Metro and boarded what might well have been my last train ride. As it was, I rode the other way, went home, got changed, and headed back to the Red Line to go downtown.

I eventually got to the Red Line at 6…only to find out there was a bus bridge in effect. I was slightly disgusted that I wasn’t going to be getting a better spot for next season, but hey, it’s Metro, and isn’t something always going wrong on there?

Oh, did I ever have no idea…

I headed over to the Tastee Diner to console myself with some comfort food. But then I noticed that they were showing something about the Metro on CNN. Evidently, this was not just your ordinary Metro malfunction–this was national news. My disgust turned instantly into a mixture of concern and horror–concern for the injured, and horror that I could have been on that train.

Dinner disappeared in no time flat, and I spent the rest of the night following the news online. Meanwhile, I kept the Caps-Rangers encore going in the background to keep my spirits up. It didn’t do much good, because the refrain had already begun: I could have been on that train.

I was a basket case at the office today. One of my co-workers actually was on the train, but wasn’t, so far as I know, seriously hurt, so that was another stressor. I doubt I was the only worrywart at the office today, quite frankly. I just haven’t been able to get away from it: I could have been on that train.

Worse, I would have been in the last car. The exit to Verizon Center is all the way aft on the Shady Grove platform. I usually ride in the last car, so that I can get right to the escalator and upstairs before being mobbed on the platform at Gallery Place. I could have been on that train. Worse, I could have been in the last car–possibly of the train that was rear-ended. I might not even be alive today. I could have been on that train…

Nor is that the end of the matter.

Almost a quarter-century ago, my family was stationed in Germany. My Boy Scout troop did a cross-country skiing trip along the inter-German border. I got separated from the rest of the troop, but was rescued by a mysterious stranger–one who spoke perfect English and who knew exactly where I was going…which I myself didn’t even know. It took a full decade to accept that my rescuer had been an angel. And even though my heart has known–and accepted–the identity of my rescuer, my head has been fighting it the whole time.

The short version is that I believe my rescuer was Archangel Raphael, and have been trying to disprove that for a decade and change. Getting a second chance is humbling enough. Getting a second chance straight from an archangel is something you spend the rest of your life trying your best to live up to. Might just be me, but I don’t want to disappoint the angel that saved my life, you know?

But that wasn’t the end of it. I just got a third chance last night. There are people who’ve never even gotten a second chance at life. I didn’t get on the wrong Metro train because of a fortunate (divinely sent?) bus, and that may very well have saved my life. Let’s see, bus and subway…transit…transportation…travel…and guess who the patron angel of travelers is?

I desperately want to be wrong here. I really do. I’ve had enough trouble coming to terms with the idea that I even got a second chance because of angelic intervention. The idea that the very same angel has intervened again to give me a third chance is something I just flat-out can’t process right now. It can’t have been. It was just one of those things, right? Right?

Once again, I can’t accept in my head what I know in my heart is true.

I could have been on that train. I could have been on that train. I could have–

But I wasn’t. It’s not my time yet. God still wants me here, for reasons I have yet to understand.

Does it mean anything? I know some would say it doesn’t–coincidences happen, and I shouldn’t spend one more minute on this than it took to breathe a sigh of relief and move on. That’s not what I believe, for better or worse. With a second chance comes responsibility; with a third chance comes responsibility greater still. For now, I’ll get the basics down pat: accepting each day as a gift, and not taking tomorrow for granted. It sounds absolutely Mickey Mouse, and I guess it is, in a way. I guess I just needed to be reminded of that. Sometimes a close call is the best remedy for a life that’s not being well-lived. And if that’s what the message is, well, I think I get it, this time.

The tricky part is living that knowledge for the rest of my days.

I could have been on that train…but I wasn’t. I’ve been given another shot at life. It’s up to me now to make the most of it.

CAPITAL SPIRIT
GRATEFUL, SIMPLY

I’m probably going to be writing multiple posts this summer about VNV Nation, an electronica group that isn’t afraid to get INCREDIBLY deep with their lyrics. I listen to these guys A LOT–I probably have “Genesis” memorized nearly note for note as much as I’ve listened to it–and I’m thinking very strongly about seeing their live show at the 9:30 Club next month, even though I’m normally not a club-goer. But after hearing the concert tracks on Reformation 01, I’m thinking twice–but that’s another post for another day.

For now, I’m just counting the days–fifteen of them as of today–until their new album comes out. It’s called “Of Faith, Power, and Glory,” and if it’s anything like their last album, “Judgement,” it’s going to be spectacular.

I must confess to not being a total fan of the group: the earliest album of theirs which I own is “Futureperfect.” (A MUST-OWN album, by the way. Go buy it. Immediately.) And if Ronan Harris–VNV’s everything-but-the-drums guy–is going to take a negative line on faith in general, there will be plenty for me to dispute in a couple of weeks. As is, I’m just excited to be a little over two weeks from some new VNV material. Yes, and I own Reformation 01–hey, they’re spoiling us this summer, I guess.

Would that Afro Celt Sound System would get back together for Volume 6–dream on, I guess. And Karl Jenkins is evidently done with Adiemus, otherwise we’d have had a new album sometime in the last, I don’t know, half-decade. And why the heck does Amazon want $170 (!!) for a 3-CD edition of Tubular Bells? I know box sets are collectors’ items and all that, but I could buy the first four seasons of Touched by an Angel for THAT kind of coin.

Also on my summer list of wanna-do’s: Spend some time with my brother and his family; finish Shadow of the Colossus (the electric eel is currently driving me nuts); finish Russian 1 on Rosetta Stone; MAYBE go up to Atlantic City; see some touristy stuff here in DC (you folks have no IDEA how reclusive I can get sometimes); get back in action with Stars-n-Bars Poker (no excuses here–they play just up the street from me, two nights a week); and perhaps, if the weather’s too bad for any of that, try to become less of a stranger to my guild on Reel Deal Vegas. PERHAPS I can make it to Level 50 by Opening Night in October.

Nor does that exclude keeping things going on my blog and staying current with the Capitals’ offseason, and any activities associated therewith.

I have no excuses for being bored this summer. I might not be on here every day to blog about it all, but I’m definitely going to try to live a bit–something, I have to admit, that I haven’t exactly been giving myself permission to do ever since Dad died. And I’ve been getting a lot of very strong encouragement from several different angels to get over my fear and get out of the house. And on one level, I know I should. But on another level, I’m a creature of habit, and I like the comfort of a familiar routine. Nevertheless, there’s not much difference between a groove and a rut. I sometimes have to remind myself that it’s really OK to live a little.

Which brings me full-circle to VNV Nation, and the song “Fearless.” (Yup, it’s on “Futureperfect.”) Even though the refrain is, “I’m not alone, I’m not afraid, I’m not unhappy,” the general sense from the song as a whole isn’t as a statement of fact, but merely a verbal attempt at self-convincing. And when the singer screams, “I am not afraid!,” it doesn’t seem–to me–that he’s screaming from strength, but rather, that he’s desperately trying to convince himself that he’s not afraid–when, in truth, he’s scared to death.

But that really IS a whole other discussion, and there’s plenty of summer for that. And two hours crunching words is enough for one night.

CAPITAL SPIRIT
VICTORY NOT VENGEANCE

I’m re-tooling a bit to prepare for what I hope will be a new feature come next season.

This past spring, I was trying–with some success–to maintain a Magic Numbers table for the entire NHL. I was doing OK for a while…but late in the season, I ended up needing to find a lot of head-to-head tie breaks. I couldn’t find a central repository for head-to-head matchups, and I ended up having to manually look up the head-to-head results for almost every team, every night–especially in the West, where a lot of the teams were very closely matched.

Sooner or later, every team has to face every other team in the standings for a clinching or an elimination. So head-to-head data is something I’ll need at my fingertips if I’m going to try to do magic numbers league-wide again next year. And you know what they say about “if you want something done right…”

I believe I’ve finally figured out the densely written head-to-head rule–or maybe I’m just now becoming less dense myself–so I can now go forward with that project. Over the offseason, I’m going to be fiddling around behind the scenes with some table designs, and going over all 1,230 games from last year to see how to make it all fit together. I’m also going to put Magic Numbers back up at the start of the season, so that I’m not crunching numbers after Christmas like a madman in order to get the whole show online and live by New Year’s Day. A few minutes every day is better than an entire week of nonstop number-crunching.

I do, admittedly, have other non-hockey projects on my plate this summer, and I intend to pursue those now that there’s not much action left on the frozen pond (the balance of the Cup Finals notwithstanding, of course). I will update as and when I have something I think is worth my time to write and your time to read. I’m not an expert on hot-stove matters, and I’m not going to pretend to be one, so what I will probably end up writing will be a bit more Spirit and a bit less Capital.

As is, Game 4 is tonight, and hey, I gotta root against the Penguins. I don’t much like the Wings, either, but the idea of the Penguins winning the Cup before the Caps do is simply anathema to me. So let’s go Red Wings!!

Hope you’re all enjoying the Stanley Cup Finals, and I wish you all a safe, happy, and swift offseason.

CAPITAL SPIRIT
ROOTING FOR THE RED WINGS FOR NOW