Capital Spirit

I gave a cards-only reading last month, so this month I’m going to sit down and get this done. This will take me a couple of hours tonight, but hey, I need the practice–I’ll be doing this again for the conference quarterfinals in another two weeks, and I guess you could say I need a warm-up.

One quick item before I dive into the final reading of the regular season. Last game, I did an informal 3-card reading for a couple of Caps staffers–it started out as a couple of sales reps, and ended with about a half-dozen suits clustered around the table. I get stage fright sometimes, so I didn’t give the best reading. Anyway, the cards there, in order, were Star reversed, 9 of Wands, 4 of Wands reversed. I said that there was hope, but faint, for a higher standing. The 9 of Wands is about standing firm against opposition, and I predicted a chippy game against the Bolts (who ended up getting hit with ten penalties). The 4 of Wands reversed threw me for a minute. A celebration deferred, I said. I had no idea how the game itself would turn out–overtime loss, maybe?–but this much I could say for sure: don’t start the party yet. And while our magic number to clinch the division is now down to 3, Carolina is flat-out refusing to go quietly, and a couple of the Caps’ remaining opponents are not going down without a fight. The Islanders are heading for the Eastern Conference cellar, but they just shut out Detroit the other night, so tomorrow is no guarantee. And while Carolina certainly has a tougher closing slate on paper, that’s no excuse to stop. Don’t celebrate yet, indeed.

Anyway, on to the business at hand. These are my predictions for the final six Capitals games of the 2009 regular season.

Deck: Tarot of the Angels (Lo Scarabeo)
Spread: Celtic Cross
Question: What does the rest of the regular season hold for the Washington Capitals?

INITIAL IMPRESSIONS: WHOA! 7 of these ten cards are from the Major Arcana. That is unusual to say the least. For those of you who don’t know Tarot, there are 78 cards in the deck. 56 of them are in the Minor Arcana, 22 are in the Major Arcana. The Minor Arcana looks an awful lot like a deck of playing cards: 4 suits with cards numbered 1-10, and four “court” cards in each suit. The Major Arcana is 22 cards that are not in any suit. In fact, there is an actual Tarot card game, and in that game the Major Arcana are the “trump” suit. I’m drifting, sorry. Anyway, there are about five Minor Arcana cards for every two in the Major Arcana, so you’d expect to see about two or three Majors in a ten-card spread. For this many Majors to come up is, very, very, VERY significant. Major Arcana cards are karmic cards: you’re going to have to deal with the issues they represent, period. There’s almost no way to weasel out of a Major Arcana card. Minors are free-will: if you don’t like what you see, change course. Majors, you’re going to have to face. And three of these are cards I don’t like to see individually, never MIND in the same spread. But there are some silver linings to all three of these, and ways to overcome their influence.

BASIS: 3 OF CHALICES. The 3 of Chalices is a bit of a celebratory card. It’s not the biggest celebration in the deck–that would probably be the 4 of Wands–but it’s a sweet card. If the 4 of Wands is like the 4th of July on The Mall, the 3 of Chalices would be something like the Kennedy Center Honors: a celebratory atmosphere, to be sure, but a little more formal and reserved. And I think that’s appropriate: the Caps have clinched a playoff berth, and are closing in on another division title. And while that’s worth a moment’s joy, there are two things that shouldn’t need to be said, but I’ll still say anyway. First, the division has not yet been clinched, so it bears repeating–don’t start the party yet. Second, all the regular-season success in the world means nothing if the Caps can’t win a playoff series or three. Be grateful for the accomplishment, yes, but remember that the real work is just about to begin.

CROSSING: II, THE HIGH PRIESTESS. The Crossing card has a number of ways to read it, and the regulars don’t need me to re-hash those. The High Priestess is card that represents mystery, intuition, and the unseen. There’s more going on than meets the eye. That’s not to say there’s deception here–it’s just that there are unseen forces at work in this card, which are interacting with the 3 of Chalices as the Basis card. I essentially have to consider the entire layout here just to read this one card, which is kind of cool, but also kind of a headache. Essentially, my read on this is that this card, in this position, represents a spiritual journey. What’s going on here is the culmination of not only this season, but several seasons’ worth of work. And while I’m not going to go so far as to say that all of Capitals history has been leading up to this moment, I can say without doubting that the conclusion to this season is the culmination of all that’s gone on since Alex Ovechkin joined the team. That may have been true last year, but it’s certainly true now. Last year, it took a Cinderella run to make the playoffs, and we had to win the division to do it. This year, we’re already in, and the division is almost assured. We enter the playoffs from a position of strength this year. Last year, we were just happy to be there, and a first-round exit was at least a step in the right direction. This year, we all knew we’d be in the playoffs, and we expect a series win or two. Those two 70-point seasons, last year’s glass-slipper stretch run, the adversities we’ve overcome this season…it’s all been leading up to this postseason. And while I’m sure this postseason will, in its own way, lead up to next, our moment really is right now. This really is our time.

DISTANT PAST: 7 OF WANDS REVERSED. When upright, the 7 of Wands represents success through hard work. When reversed, it represents, for lack of a better description, taking your foot off the gas, and giving up when the end is in sight. I know the Caps have been accused of “playing down” to lesser opponents for some recent games, and there have been some who think the team is saving it for the playoffs. Well, for one thing, that particularly-themed card is here in the Distant Past position, so it’s receding. And I don’t think anyone in the room wants the Caps to coast into the playoffs and take a game or two to toughen up. That didn’t work so well last year, and to repeat that mistake would be folly of the first order. The players don’t want to repeat that history, Coach Boudreau is no doubt insisting on hard work for these last few, and I’m sure senior leadership has let it be known that coasting isn’t going to happen this year. The coasting is done–at least, it should be if the players are serious about winning a series this year.

RECENT PAST: XV, THE DEVIL REVERSED. A reversal can sometimes take the “sting” off a challenging card, and we’re going to see that a little further down. Here, however, a reversal only intensifies the meaning of the card. Essentially, take the seven deadly sins, and raise them to the power of 666. Put simply, this card represents Evil, and that capital letter is intentional. What’s contradictory about evil is that it usually gets started with the desire to eliminate evil. And for some reason, as I typed that, I was hearing the chorus of “Crosby Sucks” in my head. No, I’m not saying that’s an evil song (although I’m not from Pittsburgh). Evil is, in at least one sense, the idea that WE are right, THEY are wrong, and so WE must use all our power to DESTROY them. Evil is NOT merely being passionate about something; it’s being so taken in with something that you blindly set out to impose it on everyone else, regardless of their will. Evil is NOT dissent, but the SILENCING of dissent. Evil is NOT being a good Capitals fan; it is thinking that other fans are somehow inferior (and no, I’m not perfect on this one, either.) Evil is NOT “saving it for the playoffs,” it is assuming that playoff success is yours by right. Now, fortunately, all of this is in the past, and some of it will recede (although I’m convinced Caps fans will never see Penguins fans as Mitmenschen.) But although our recent run-in with Evil is in the rear view mirror and receding, that doesn’t mean it’s all sunshine and puffy clouds coming down the pike. Read on.

GENERAL DIRECTION: VIII, STRENGTH. I like this card, and I love seeing it in this position. Strength is a card that’s not so much about power and control–that’s more the domain of The Chariot–but of free-flowing benevolence. Strength. Honor. Optimism. Courage. Self-control. It’s all there, and that’s generally the direction the team is headed. Unfortunately, that’s not quite where it ends.

IMMEDIATE FUTURE: I, THE MAGICIAN. Not bad. The Magician is all about being in control, and having the power to make changes. It’s about transformation, command, Creator force. I’m going to extrapolate a bit from that, and call for a couple of good wins at home over the next few days. They won’t be easy wins: this card is about transformation, not continuity. So one of the final three home games may be a come-from-behind win. The Magician is, pardon the ESPN-ism, Master of His Domain. Our final three home games should go well.

TEAM: III, THE EMPRESS. The Empress is the “Mom” card of the Major Arcana. My mom’s going to blush at this next part. A good Mom (like mine) is nurturing, compassionate, and cares deeply about her children. She blesses her children the best way she knows how to, even if it’s not quite what those children always had in mind. And she always wants her children to be the best they can be–even if it’s better than they themselves think they can be. That’s how my Mom is, at least–and I do love her dearly for it, even though I’m awful at letting her know about it. (And I don’t mind admitting it in public, either.) And that’s also something of what The Empress represents: security, love, encouragement, and maybe even, if you want to stretch it a bit, having someone who believes in you more than you believe in yourself. Right now, the Capitals are surrounded by a very loving, very nurturing, very secure energy. I hope they harness it well…the rest of this doesn’t look quite so rosy.

OUTSIDE INFLUENCES: XVI, THE TOWER REVERSED. Gulp. This one’s no fun. As I alluded to earlier, some challenging cards are less negative when reversed, and this is one of them. Face-up, The Tower represents the world falling down around you. When reversed, the sky isn’t completely falling, but its support beams are sure going to need emergency repairs. Right now, there is a lot of negativity coming at the Caps from outside. Don Cherry here, a cheap-shot-minded Tampa Bay squad there, officials that seem to have it in for the Caps, I’m sure every Caps fan could list several negative influences coming at the Caps from outside. However, I do believe that they have what they need to overcome those obstacles. It won’t be easy, but it can be done. Face-up, I wouldn’t be so sure. Reversed, this is definitely survivable.

HOPES AND FEARS: XIII, DEATH. Wow. That is a LOT of tricky Major Arcana cards out there. The Devil, The Tower, and now Death. However, it does seem that those three cards are counterbalanced by some more benevolent cards: Magician, High Priestess, Empress, Strength. (The Emperor is noticeably absent.) So, on balance, there’s more good going on here than bad. It’s just that the challenges look quite steep indeed. Now, Death is probably the most misunderstood card in Tarot. It usually has nothing to do with physical death: it just means that something is coming to an end. I call it the “Closing Time” card, after that song by Semisonic. “Closing time/Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.” That’s what Death represents: the end of one thing, and the beginning of another. As a hopes and fears card, it may represent a subconscious fear of new beginnings (the playoffs?). Fortunately, when upright, the change is usually for the better, and perhaps what’s going on here isn’t so much a fear of an ending, so much as a hope in a new beginning. If that’s true, then this is a good thing: it actually represents the team’s hope for a better finish this year than last. So in a very roundabout way, this is actually a very beneficial card here.

OUTCOME: 5 OF PENTACLES REVERSED. I know there’s no such thing as “good cards” and “bad cards”, but this is not what I wanted to see here. 5’s are generally no fun, and this one is made even more challenging when reversed. The 5 of Pentacles reversed represents extreme material difficulty, and a dire lack of resources. Let me put this in Toyota terms. An upright 5 of Pentacles means that you can’t quite afford to buy a Corolla, but you might if you work at it. A 5 of Pentacles reversed means that you can’t even afford to rent a Yaris for the weekend. That’s admittedly a bit overboard, but you get the idea: a 5 of Pentacles reversed is nothing to sneeze at. Now, the good news here is that it is a free-will card, and can be avoided. Well, what exactly are the Caps avoiding here? What kind of material difficulty is this? I doubt it’s an equipment shortage: that brief look in the equipment room they gave us on Red Line Monday a few weeks ago was astonishing. Those guys have EVERYTHING in that equipment room. So the only other material difficulty I can think of would be a serious, possibly season-ending injury. I want to be wrong here in the worst way, believe me. But look what else is out there: The Devil, The Tower, Death…now this. All told, this is a combination that, frankly, alarms me. Again, I fervently hope I’m wrong. And this is a free-will card, so I may prove to be wrong on this, and no one will be happier than me at that. Be CAREFUL out there, guys. Just…be careful. I’ll be glad when the playoffs start–more so than usual, seeing this.

FINAL THOUGHTS: While there’s plenty of good news to be had here, what bad news I see is not trivial. These final six games of the regular season could yet prove much more consequential than they look going in. I don’t want to see anyone get hurt, and I really hope this is a horrible mis-read, but if it’s not, I hope it can be avoided. There’s nothing left for me to say. Just be careful, guys. For the love of God, be careful out there.

CAPITAL SPIRIT
HOPING I’M WRONG

Not the most action-packed Friday night, but a couple of major events are possible tonight. Detroit could lock up the Central Division title, and Colorado could be the first casualty out West. Meanwhile, the Caps and Devils are both in action tonight, and the Caps could grab 2nd in the East if they outperform New Jersey. The Caps’ magic number to clinch the division is down to 5; they can make it 3 with a win tonight. The rest of the slate looks like this:

TAMPA BAY LIGHTNING AT WASHINGTON CAPITALS
LIGHTNING:
Would be eliminated from 10th in the East with a regulation loss and a Buffalo win.

NEW YORK ISLANDERS AT DETROIT RED WINGS
RED WINGS:
Can clinch CENTRAL DIVISION TITLE with a win AND any Chicago loss, OR with an overtime AND a Chicago regulation loss.

TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS AT BUFFALO SABRES
MAPLE LEAFS:
Would be eliminated from 4th in the East with a regulation loss.
SABRES:
Can clinch 13th in the East with a win AND a Tampa Bay regulation loss.

NEW JERSEY DEVILS AT CHICAGO BLACKHAWKS
BLACKHAWKS:
Can clinch 12th in the West with a win.
Would be eliminated from 1st in the Central, and thereby 3rd in the West, with a regulation loss AND a Detroit win or overtime, OR with an overtime loss AND a Detroit win.

VANCOUVER CANUCKS AT COLORADO AVALANCHE
AVALANCHE:
Would be eliminated from 7th in the West with an OVERTIME loss.
Would be eliminated from 9th in the West, 3rd in the Northwest, and PLAYOFF CONTENTION, with a regulation loss.
Edmonton-Anaheim game is also in play here, with implications for every result. The most significant possibility: Colorado would automatically be eliminated from playoff contention if Edmonton beats Anaheim in overtime.

EDMONTON OILERS AT ANAHEIM DUCKS
OILERS:
Can clinch 14th in the West with a win.
DUCKS:
Can clinch 14th in the West with a win or overtime.

Also, unrelated but worth a mention. I will be bringing an extra item with me tonight. You won’t see it unless you ask to see it, and it doesn’t photograph well. So if you see me at Verizon Center tonight, and you’re curious what my new item is, flag me down. It’s wicked-cool by itself, but, as always, there’s a deeper symbolism behind it, which I’ll happily explain. One more bit of intrigue: if the Caps lose badly, I will not bring it to another game this year. So tonight may be your only chance to see this mystery item this season. Maybe.

Here’s to a two-point night!

CAPITAL SPIRIT
SEE YOU AT THE RINK

It’s going to be a busy night of scoreboard-watching for Caps fans, as both the Panthers and Hurricanes are in action tonight. Tonight could be one of the most consequential nights of the season for the Caps, and they’re not even playing. Let’s get to it…

FLORIDA PANTHERS AT BUFFALO SABRES
SABRES:
Can clinch 14th in the East with a win or overtime.
PANTHERS:
Can clinch 12th in the East, AND 4th in the Southeast, with a win.

MINNESOTA WILD AT NEW YORK ISLANDERS
ISLANDERS:
Would be eliminated from 10th in the East with any loss.
Would be eliminated from 11th in the East with any loss AND an Ottawa win or overtime, OR with an overtime loss AND an Ottawa win.

OTTAWA SENATORS AT CAROLINA HURRICANES
SENATORS:
Can clinch 14th in the East with a win AND any Islanders loss, OR with an overtime loss AND and Islanders regulation loss.

CALGARY FLAMES AT PITTSBURGH PENGUINS
PENGUINS:
Would be eliminated from 1st in the East with any loss.
FLAMES:
Can clinch 12th in the West with a win or overtime.

Not the busiest or most complicated night around the rinks, but Caps fans might want to keep an eye on the Panthers’ and Hurricanes’ games.

CAPITAL SPIRIT
THE NUMBERS GEEK WHO ONCE FELL ASLEEP IN MATH CLASS

Why am I not having fun right now?

By all accounts, this season should be one to cherish. The Caps have been pretty much the class of the Southeast for most of the season, and are a handful of points from locking up a division title and a Top 3 seed. They might be able to pass New Jersey tonight for second overall in the Eastern Conference. Alex Ovechkin has 50 goals for the third time in four years, which only two other players in NHL history have done. Mike Green might yet have 30 goals, and could get a Norris nomination. Verizon Center is rocking the red like it’s going out of style, and the playoffs are going to be a madhouse at the Phone Booth.

On a personal level, I’ve been a guest in Ted’s box this year, and that was incredibly special. Against my own initial reluctance, I agreed to go on Red Line Monday, and the finished segment was astonishingly well-edited and well-received (I actually got complimented about it down in Raleigh over the weekend.) And how can I forget Brooks Laich making an introduction? Team personnel all seem genuinely happy to see me whenever our paths cross. This humble blog is now getting linked to from the Game Day Threads on the Message Boards.

By all accounts, this season should be one to cherish. So why am I not having fun right now?

Perhaps our recent setback in Raleigh has dampened my spirits a bit. I was present to witness that, and I probably should have listened to something hopeful on the way back. Sunday was mostly spent getting some rest after being up for nearly twenty consecutive hours–I might have ended up overcompensating, and sleeping a bit too much. It wasn’t exactly the best weekend of my life, and perhaps that’s dragging me down.

Is it because I still–despite heroic efforts by the Caps–feel like I just don’t fit in here? I know that sounds strange, because regular readers will know I’ve said before that this is the best “fit” I’ve ever found. But the road trip to Raleigh is bugging me.

Perhaps what’s haunting me about it isn’t the game itself. Perhaps it’s the reception I got. The concessionaires were all terrific, security didn’t even look at me funny, and I got MAYBE two snarky comments on the concourse the whole time I was there. And that was more than offset by the number of fans in Hurricanes sweaters who came up and asked, sincerely and without animosity, what my attire was all about.

And that sort of throws my attendance at Caps games into clear relief. Despite the Caps’ best efforts, despite assurances from several angels I work with, and despite knowing on multiple levels that this really is my place, I still doubt my place here. How well can I be fitting in, if I’m still getting slings and arrows from fans in Caps attire, at home?

Maybe all the moving around I’ve done has given me a state of permanent transience–the idea that there’s nothing in this world that I’ll ever be able to keep. That’s probably one reason I spend so much time on spiritual matters: there, at least, I know I can’t lose what I have.

Maybe, when it’s all said and done, I’m just not meant to know what it means to feel like I really belong. Maybe it’s more basic than that: perhaps I really DON’T belong anywhere. Not even here.

And just as I typed that–literally as my fingers were hitting the keys–I was reminded of the song “Illusion” by VNV Nation. (Somewhere, there’s an angel that’s at the top of his game today.) Here’s an excerpt:

I know it’s hard to tell how mixed-up you feel;
Hoping what you need is behind every door.
Each time you get hurt, I don’t want you to change,
‘Cause everyone has hopes. You’re human, after all.
The feeling sometimes, wishing you were someone else,
Feeling as though you never belonged;
This feeling is not sadness, this feeling is not joy.
I truly understand. Please don’t cry now.

Please don’t go. I want you to stay.
I’m begging you please, please don’t leave here.
I don’t want you to hate, for all the hurt that you feel.
The world is just illusion, trying to change you.

Well, okay, let me run with that.

When I’m heading for a Caps game on a weeknight, there’s always some smart-aleck in or around the Metro who wants to project his insecurities on me. Most of the less-original ones I completely ignore, but sometimes, I’m not quite perfect on defense. Some of the insults I get from random passerby are things I won’t print on this blog. Is that illusion?

At the game, I’ve had fans in Caps gear call me stuff I didn’t even hear in Philadelphia. Is that illusion?

The Caps message boards, and the misbehavior there…do I need to elaborate? Is that illusion?

But then–and here’s where I’m getting stuff that I suspect is from an angel–what of the fans who ask for me to pose for photos? Is that illusion, too?

What of fans who have asked me to autograph their jerseys–sometimes insisting on it over my own protests? Is that illusion, too?

What, too, of all those fans who’ve complimented me on that Red Line Monday segment? Is that illusion, too?

What, exactly, of all those “heroic” efforts by the Caps? Are those illusion, too?

All right. Even with all of that said, why, then, do I still not feel like I fit in?

Perhaps the answer is that it’s not supposed to be a feeling.

So, in the end, I may never feel like I belong. But I guess the important thing is just TO belong–even if, as it sometimes happens, I sometimes feel like I don’t. And besides–I’ll probably be having a lot more fun come playoff time.

Still…it’s hard sometimes. I just wish, for once in my life, that I could know, feel, and–most importantly–BELIEVE that I belonged, somewhere. It’s more than a feeling–I get that. But for whatever reason–nomadic life, thin skin, or just good old-fashioned personal insecurity–I still have trouble accepting that I’ve been, well, accepted.

For me, that’s going to take an awful lot of getting used to. It’s going to take some time to deprogram all that negativity and rejection I’ve been carrying around for most of my life. It’s not going to be easy or brief, but I need to do it, lest I live out my life ever alone, and in vain.

Si est dolor similis, sicut dolor meus.

CAPITAL SPIRIT
FORLORN

Got back at 4AM this morning from a Caps-related road trip. Trip was fun, I guess, but watching the Caps lose by a field goal definitely wasn’t. Got to say hi to Joe B, Stretch, and Steve Kolbe before the game, and participated in a pregame segment where a bunch of us stood on the steps of RBC Center and cheered for the Caps. If you watched the pregame on CSN, you probably saw me, because the camera guy was awfully close and pointing the camera straight at me.

A couple of random observations:

I’m now 0-2 lifetime in Raleigh, so I’m going to have to think twice about going down there next year. Not certain about that, though–The Nutty Bavarian made for awesome inter-period noshing, and the ‘Canes Fan Club treated us like royalty at a pre-game tailgating session.

First two periods were a good, tight game where I think we Caps fans did a good job being politely invasive. When the dot-board operator had to throw up a graphic going, “Whose house is this?”, I think we represented well.

I REALLY wish the Caps would have played better than they did, considering how many busloads of us rode four hours and change to watch them on the road.

Canes fans=CLASSY. I attended in my full outfit, and got MAYBE two snarky comments thrown at me all night. Unlike the Philly trip a couple of months ago, I can’t make the excuse of allowing for being a fan of the visiting team on this one. I HAVE had nights at Verizon Center where I’ve had worse thrown at me. Sometimes, MUCH worse.

Too many mascots for comfort at the game. Apparently, it was Stormy’s birthday (‘Canes mascot), and so a whole bunch of mascots showed up–including our own Slapshot, and (surprisingly) Thrash from Atlanta. (Why not–his team was on the road in Tampa.) They had a game of mascot musical chairs at the 2nd intermission, and it almost resembled a furry convention out there on the ice.

Can’t comment too well about the actual hockey game itself. I was watching from a low corner, which I’m not used to, so any analysis I offered would probably be wrong.

Ride back was funereal. The bus had a DVD player, but I’ve already seen “D2,” and frankly, I liked “Wanted” better when it was “The Matrix.”

A public “thank you” to Tina from the Caps Fan Club, who managed to find a way to get me home, despite Metro being closed for the night when we got back to Greenbelt.

CAPITAL SPIRIT
ROAD WEARY

It’s going to be a wild night at the rinks. Only four teams, all in the West, have the night off. And about half of the teams in the Eastern Conference have mathematical possibilities on tap tonight.

The team-by-team breakdown looks like this.

ATLANTA THRASHERS
@ EDM
Would be eliminated from 3rd in the East, AND 1st in the Southeast, with any loss, OR with a Washington win or overtime.

BOSTON BRUINS
vs OTT
Can clinch 10th in the East, AND 3rd in the Northeast, with a win. Can clinch 11th in the East, AND 4th in the Northeast, with an overtime OR any Toronto loss.

MONTREAL CANADIENS
Can clinch 14th in the East with a win AND an Islanders regulation loss.

NEW YORK ISLANDERS
Would be eliminated from 4th in the East AND 2nd in the Atlantic with any loss, OR with a Philadelphia win or overtime.
Would be eliminated from 5th in the East AND 2nd in the Atlantic with a regulation loss AND a Montreal win.

OTTAWA SENATORS
@ BOS
Would be eliminated from President’s Trophy consideration with a win AND a win or overtime from San Jose OR Detroit.
Would be eliminated from President’s Trophy consideration, AND 1st in the East, AND 1st in the Northeast, with any loss.

PHILADELPHIA FLYERS
vs WAS
Can clinch 14th in the East AND 4th in the Atlantic with a win or overtime, OR with any Islanders loss.

TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS
vs TBL
Would be eliminated from 1st in the East, AND 1st in the Northeast, with any loss OR with a Boston win or overtime.

WASHINGTON CAPITALS
@ PHI
Can clinch 12th in the East, AND 3rd in the Southeast, with a win or overtime OR with any Atlanta loss.

So, who should Caps fans root for tonight?
Ottawa over Boston. Never mind the math–we need SOMEBODY to slow down the Bruins so we can keep up with them.
Buffalo over Florida. If the Sabres can keep the Panthers off our heels, great. Just for tonight, Let’s Go, Buffalo!
Phoenix over New Jersey. Obviously, we’ll take an inter-conference loss for the Devils, but I’m not holding my breath on this one.
Columbus over Pittsburgh. Self-evident–we’d like the West to beat the East. And any Pittsburgh loss is always welcome here in the District.
Tampa Bay over Toronto. Tampa Bay can’t catch us no matter what they do, so let’s hope they can help us by playing spoiler.
Islanders over Montreal. Same logic–if in doubt, root for the spoiler.
Nashville over the Rangers. Again, rooting for the West, and the Rangers can lose all day for all I care.
Dallas over Carolina, and Edmonton over Atlanta–here’s hoping the West helps out the leaders of the Southeast.

Rest of the slate is all-West, which won’t affect our playoff standing.

A little less than 45 minutes to face-off as this goes to press–Papa John’s, anyone?

CAPITAL SPIRIT
HOCKEY OVERLOAD TONIGHT!

There’s a LOT going on around the league tonight–22 teams are in action, two more are watching the scoreboard, and some of the math tonight is nuts. The West still hasn’t gotten that interesting yet, but it’s already turning into Katie-bar-the-door in the East. Boston could lock up the 10th spot with a win in Columbus. The Thrashers have two games besides their own to watch, and the mathematical implications of all three of those games at once had me reaching for the Excedrin. The Islanders could be eliminated from 4th in the East tonight. The Caps would clinch 4th in the Southeast, and possibly even 3rd, if they take care of business in Nashville. Warm up your Center Ice package, get over to GameCenter, or just keep an eye on the live scores on the front page of NHL.com. It’s a busy night around the rinks. So let’s get to it.

BOSTON BRUINS AT COLUMBUS BLUE JACKETS
BRUINS:
Can clinch 10th in the East and 3rd in the Northeast with a win.
Can clinch 11th in the East and 4th in the Northeast with an overtime/shootout loss, OR with any Toronto loss.

BUFFALO SABRES AT PHILADELPHIA FLYERS
FLYERS:
Can clinch 14th in the East, AND 4th in the Atlantic, with a win AND an Islanders regulation loss.

CALGARY FLAMES AT NEW JERSEY DEVILS
DEVILS:
Can clinch 13th in the East with an overtime, OR with an Atlanta regulation loss.
Can clinch 12th in the East with a win, OR an overtime loss and any Atlanta loss.

NEW YORK ISLANDERS AT TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS
ISLANDERS:
Would be eliminated from 4th in the East, AND 2nd in the Atlantic, with a regulation loss AND a Philadelphia win.
MAPLE LEAFS:
Would be eliminated from President’s Trophy consideration, AND 1st in the East, AND 1st in the Northeast, with any loss, OR with a Boston win or overtime.

WASHINGTON CAPITALS AT NASHVILLE PREDATORS
CAPITALS:
Can clinch 13th in the East, AND 4th in the Southeast, with a win, OR with an overtime loss and an Atlanta regulation loss.
Can clinch 12th in the East, AND 3rd in the Southeast, with a win AND any Atlanta loss.

ATLANTA THRASHERS AT COLORADO AVALANCHE
THRASHERS:
WITH A WIN: Would be eliminated from 2nd in the East with a New Jersey win.
WITH AN OVERTIME LOSS: Would be eliminated from 2nd in the East with a New Jersey win or overtime AND any Washington loss. Would be eliminated from 2nd in the East, AND 1st in the Southeast, with a Washington win and a New Jersey regulation loss. Would be eliminated from 3rd in the East, AND 1st in the Southeast, with a Washington win AND a New Jersey win or overtime.
WITH A REGULATION LOSS: Would be eliminated from 2nd in the East. Would be eliminated from 3rd in the East, AND 1st in the Southeast, with a Washington win or overtime.

INACTIVE TEAMS WATCHING THE SCOREBOARD
SENATORS:
Would be eliminated from President’s Trophy consideration AND 1st in the East AND 1st in the Northeast with a Boston win.

LIGHTNING:
Would be eliminated from 2nd in the East with a New Jersey win or overtime AND a Washington loss.
Would be eliminated from 2nd in the East, AND 1st in the Southeast, with a Washington win AND a New Jersey regulation loss.
Would be eliminated from 3rd in the East, AND 1st in the Southeast, with a New Jersey win or overtime AND a Washington win.

Only five games being played in the NHL tonight, but one of them is defintiely worth watching if you’re a Caps fan. Montreal plays Atlanta tonight at 7:30, and the implications for the Caps are huge. A regulation loss by the Thrashers tonight means a couple of things:

• The Thrashers would be eliminated from 2nd in the East.
• The Devils would clinch 13th in the East.
• The Capitals would be able to clinch 13th in the East, and 4th in the Southeast, with a win over Pittsburgh on Sunday. That, in turn, would also eliminate Atlanta from 3rd in the East.

But for all that to happen, Atlanta has to lose in regulation tonight.

And hey, haven’t the Habs been around for a century, or something? Well, if it helps the Caps, I can root for them for one night. Vive le bleu, blanc, et rouge!

At least, for tonight.

CAPITAL SPIRIT
CRUNCHING NUMBERS, AND MAN, ARE THEY TASTY

(Readers: I’m a horrible satirist, but I thought this was worth a half-baked attempt at it. Be gentle.–CS)

You really have to wonder what George McPhee was thinking. Why the heck did he stand pat at the deadline?

I mean, really, the Caps have been totally stinking up the joint this year. They’ve been playing so badly that Verizon Center is half-empty most nights. I heard rumors that the Caps were going to steal a page from the Orioles and give away birth month tickets next year.

And have you heard about season ticket sales? It’s a joke: the Caps are spending obscene amounts of money advertising season tickets, and nobody’s buying.

Did McPhee totally miss the sea of black and gold the last time the Penguins came here? Hello? But what do you expect, when the Pens have beaten us three straight this year and are going for the season sweep this Sunday?

We’ve been under .500 every month so far this season. We have yet to spend a month playing above break-even hockey, and it’s March, for crying out loud.

We also can’t put the biscuit in the basket to save our lives. We’re only three goals away from having the fewest goals-for in the entire Eastern Conference.

Our best defenseman currently on the roster is a +1, our worst, a godawful -20. Nobody on this blue line is even going to get a sniff at the Norris.

Remember the All-Star game? We got our one player, and that was because we had to have SOMEBODY on there. It’s safe to say that nobody from the Caps got snubbed this year, that’s for sure.

How do you stand pat when you’re last in your division by double digits? Would somebody please explain this to me?

Just because you embarass two teams just before the deadline is no excuse at all to stand pat. Memo to GMGM: two rollicking romps just before the deadline doesn’t mean we’re suddenly a good team.

I could go on, but you get the idea. This team has been so bad, for so long, that standing pat should not have even been on the table. Overpay if you must, George, but at least do SOMETHING, for crying out loud.

Oh, well. This team is done. Stick a fork in the Caps, and book your April 12th tee time.

CAPITAL SPIRIT
THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS