Capital Spirit

Saw this story on the front page of this morning’s Times. Evidently, a majority of Americans believe they have a guardian angel. And while that’s a traditional teaching of the Catholic Church, it’s less so among mainstream Protestants. In the Protestant churches I’ve attended, angels tended to get short shrift. Even on those rare occasions when they were discussed from the pulpit, the idea of a personal guardian was never mentioned. So for a majority of all Americans to have a belief in a personal guardian angel is somewhat of a surprise, even to me. Baylor’s press release about the study is here, and you can download the actual study in PDF format here. Here’s the weird part: the report itself doesn’t mention any questions about angels, even though that was reported in the Times. What am I missing?

Heard about the rookie game yesterday. Wow, 7-0 Capitals? Are our prospects that good, or are the Flyers’ that bad? I’m guessing it may be some part of both. Disappointed to have missed it, certainly, but I’ve got bills to pay.

I will not be at Training Camp tomorrow: something’s come up, and I’m going to be elsewhere. I do plan on being there en grande tenue on Sunday, however.

Don’t be terribly surprised if you don’t see much from me between now and the preseason opener. I am not going to have much free time for the better part of a week after tonight.

CAPITAL SPIRIT
BUSY AND LOVING IT

For those of you who haven’t already seen it, Japers’ Rink had some kind words to say about what I wrote last week. Thank you, Japers. It’s appreciated.

I will say this. It was definitely heartwarming on my end: I’m still trying to process some of the many, many words of encouragement from my fellow fans.

It bears repeating: feeling like I belong somewhere, after feeling like such an outsider for so much of my life, means more than I’ll ever be able to express.

There’s no heartbreak here at all: if anything, this has been a triumph of compassion over loneliness, Love over fear, and Light over Darkness. Those of you who’ve offered your comments, your private support, and your prayers, have given me one of the greatest gifts I have ever received. I love you guys!!

CAPITAL SPIRIT
GRATEFUL

I’d quote T.S. Eliot to start this post–I did, in fact, and then dumped it–because this is an Outcome I do not like to see. I’ve said before, and I’ll say again, that this ending is a couple of Minor Arcana cards, and so it can be changed. This isn’t the kind of outcome I want to read about as a fan, and it’s not the sort of ending I want to write about as a reader, but it is what I see, and I have a duty to explain what I’m getting. I’ve also said before, and I’ll also say again, that I want to be wrong here. I hope our season’s course is changed, so that what ends up happening isn’t what I see here. The cards in this position are the 8 of Chalices and the 3 of Swords reversed.

The 8 of Chalices is a “turning-point” type of card. It speaks to leaving an old way behind, to set off for a new future. There’s a sense of excitement and sadness at the same time with this card: some sadness at leaving the old, but excitement about the new things to be had. Still, that newness does come at the expense of leaving everything behind. It’s like the song “Airships” by VNV Nation: I’m leaving ground, I’m stepping into a new world, leaving everything. That’s, in essence, the general meaning of the 8 of Chalices: stepping into a new world, leaving everything.

The other card here is the 3 of Swords reversed. That’s a card of sadness, confusion, loss, and sorrow, and can also indicate (here we go again) health problems. It’s not a happy card, and it’s one I really don’t like to see as an outcome, because it would seem to indicate that even though we’re heading for new things, that there will be a lot of sadness at the end of the journey.

I would not be surprised to see the following happen this coming season: the Caps start out as well as predicted, then hit a rough patch of injuries and losses that makes everyone question if they had the chops to begin with. Despite all that, they persevere, overcome, and find their way into the playoffs. They make a feel-good run into a very late round, and then lose in a heartbreaking way that ends up hanging over Washington for all of next summer.

Folks, no one would be happier than me to be one hundred percent dead wrong on that one. If we win the Stanley Cup this year, I’ll celebrate right alongside all of you, and I will never have been so happy to be so completely wrong. Ever. In my life. But this is what I see. I don’t like seeing it, and I don’t like having to spend hours and hours typing it all up. This has been a hideously complex project, and I wish I could have written a happy ending to all of this and said, Hey, enjoy the run, it’s destiny, we’ve already won. We haven’t. Right now, the outcome does not look good.

The silver lining is that it is changeable, and free will can alter the outcome. And, as a Caps fan, I really, really hope it does.

DISTRIBUTION OF MAJORS: 9
Nine Major Arcana cards is a very big number. It’s almost double what you’d expect to see in a 20-card reading. So there’s a lot of destiny in here that might be awfully hard to avoid.

DISTRIBUTION OF ELEMENTS: 7 FIRE, 6 AIR, 6 WATER, 1 EARTH
Normal distribution is 5-5-5-5. Earth is extremely under-represented, which may indicate trouble with finances or (yet again) physical health. Lack of Earth energy points to a lack of physical resources, be they physical health or money, while the over-representation of Fire may be an indication of an over-abundance of spiritual energy. There’s a lack of grounding here. It is OK to feel, to sense, to be in the here and now. If there is a long skid, being in the here and now may not be pleasant, but it is needed.

A few final thoughts:

FOR MY FELLOW CAPS FANS: Yeah, I know, this isn’t what you wanted to read. Trust me, it’s not what I wanted to read, either. But I’ve been wrong before, so this is by no means the end of the matter. I hope you’ll join me at Verizon Center, win or lose, and support our Caps from warm-ups to the end of the game (and that means INCLUDING SHOOTOUTS!!!) Let’s rock the red until the building shakes, and do everything in our power to support our team. It’s going to be a long season: I don’t want to miss a minute, and I hope you don’t, either. See you all at Kettler for rookie camp tomorrow morning.

FOR THE TEAM: Don’t even think about that new banner in the rafters. It’s pretty, but it’s also over and done with. Don’t think about the future: it will get here soon enough. Focus on this moment, right now, and give your best at this moment, and this one, and this one. You don’t know how long you have, in hockey or in life. So skate every shift like it’s your very last one, leave nothing on that ice, and enjoy this moment while you have it.

You guys may or may not be a team of destiny this year. But that shouldn’t stop you from playing your hearts out, every time you put a skate on the ice. I’ll be at Verizon Center every night you’re there, to offer my support, win or lose. I hope, above all, that you can prove me wrong, and skate off the ice in June having won your very last game. Best of luck, Capitals, and may God and His angels watch over you all.

CAPITAL SPIRIT
LET THE PRESEASON BEGIN!

Thank God it’s Friday! And since I’m giving some good news today, that goes double.

In this position, we’ll take a look at the energies the team is adding subconsciously. A lot of the time, what you’re hoping for, and what you’re most afraid of, can influence the outcome of the question. So, what exactly does it mean when the team’s hopes and fears are represented by The Chariot and Knight of Swords reversed?

The Chariot is a very good card to see here. It tells me that the energy that the team is adding right now is one of confidence and control, of being master of their domain. They know what they want, they know how they’ll get it, and they have just the plan to attain it. But that’s not the end of the story.

The other card in this position is the Knight of Swords reversed. The Knight of Swords is your stereotypical warrior. Face-up, he’s not someone you’ll like much personally, but professionally, he’s the best there is. He doesn’t want to be liked: he’s out to do his job as best he can, and instead wants your honor and respect. But when reversed, he’s a starter, not a finisher, and he can indicate quarrels to be had. Disharmony, disunity, lack of teamwork.

Now, if you’ve been reading these in order, you’re going to say, “Hold it. I thought you said Temperance was a sign of team unity, but here you’re saying lack of teamwork. That’s a contradiction.” Glad you asked, but not quite. Temperance referred to where the team is now. This position refers to hopes and fears. So while the team hopes to be master of its domain, its greatest fear is a lack of teamwork. That’s not to say that teamwork isn’t there; it’s to say that the Knight of Swords reversed in this position is an indication that the team fears to lose that teamwork.

Well, now. Summer is almost over, isn’t it? Tomorrow is the very last day before rookies report, and I will reveal the cards for the eventual outcome of the season. I hope you’ll read them.

And calling that an understatement is itself an understatement.

When I wrote up last night’s marathon entry, I thoroughly expected I’d get, at best, maybe five dozen hits on it, total, over a couple of days, at which point, it would recede, be quickly forgotten, and that would be that. I’d have a statement on record explaining my background, and those who actually cared enough to look for it would see it, and perhaps they’d understand more of who I am and why I write what I write. I didn’t tag it, and I didn’t send anyone the link. You’d have to care to find it. As of about 9:30 or so this morning, all was going as expected: 18 hits total for the entire blog, and maybe 6 or 7 for last night’s post.

Around 10:15 or so, I looked at my stats again, and noticed I was getting inbound traffic from Ted’s Take. I remember saying, out loud, in stunned disbelief, “He did NOT…!”

He did SO!

So, okay, maybe it IS more than just good business sense. Ted has my email address, and he could just as easily have commented here, as well. But giving me such a very public word of encouragement on his page–link and all–was so far above and beyond the call of duty that he’s pretty much silenced all my self-doubts on this matter. That speaks volumes about him, and the entire Capitals organization.

Mr. Leonsis: I’d be supremely honored to accept your invitation. I will likely be as skittish as a third-class petty officer in a roomful of four-star admirals, but a gracious gesture of this magnitude is one I cannot–and shall not–turn down. You are entirely too kind, sir. You have given me a place to belong; more, you have given me, ever an outsider, perhaps the strongest sense of belonging that I have ever had in my life. Words fail; I hope a heartfelt “thank you” will suffice. More to follow under separate cover.

That’s not the end of the jaw-droppers, either.

Dan Steinberg, of DC Sports Bog, had me on today’s Top 5 list–at number 3. That was just ahead of Elijah Dukes and just behind ALEXANDER OVECHKIN (did I just dream that?!) Dan, thank you very much for that. It’s more than a bit surreal for me to be on the same Top 5 list as Alex Ovechkin. (Slow news day?) I’m honored by your kind mention, Dan. Thanks again.

Nor was that the end of the matter. As I was working on this entry, the comments were (by my standards, at least) flooding in from other fans with messages of encouragement. I’ll reply to those in the comments section on the original post.

One more: in less than 24 hours, that one post was read more than my entire blog was in the entire month of August. I’m saying that not to brag on myself: I’m saying that by way of thanks to you–all of you who have read my words, and offered your support, whether I’ve seen it or not. Sometimes, you have to face the Darkness to see a greater Light. For all of your encouragement, prayers, and well-wishes, I thank you all. God bless.

CAPITAL SPIRIT
HEALING

As I wrote at the end of yesterday’s entry, sometimes your fate is not entirely in your own hands. Today, we’ll look at the Outside Influences position and see what that says about the Capitals’ chances in the upcoming season. The cards here are Justice reversed and 7 of Wands reversed.

We just can’t get a break from the refs, can we? Justice reversed indicates injustice and bias, and since this is an outside card, the quick and easy way to interpret that is that the refs are going to be out to get the Caps, as usual, this year. Hands offa that donut, don’t you know, and where have you gone, Jim Schoenfeld?

Justice reversed can also refer to legal troubles and negotiations that don’t quite work out. I can’t give any specifics on that–all I have here is an impression, I don’t have newsreel footage streaming in my head from some celestial TomorrowTube. So there may be some outside legal concerns that end up influencing the season.

The other card is the 7 of Wands reversed. The energy there is indecision, retreat, of giving up when it’s that close. Now, this is outside energy, so this may very subtly be referring to the fans. I said a couple of days ago that we may end up on a season-questioning skid at some point in the campaign. Given that, and given this card, I really want to be wrong when I predict the following: some fans may fall away before this season is over.

I know that sounds impossible right now, and again, I want desperately to be wrong about that. But on Opening Night, the red will be rocking like nobody’s business. If we do go on a skid, will the red still be rocking during premium games, or will our house be StubHubbed and eBayed into the enemy’s den?

I can’t get away from this: I see health problems affecting the Caps, I see losses in bunches, and I see fans deserting the team. Wins and losses are beyond our influence; how we respond as fans is up to us.

One thing I’ll predict with certainty: by the time this is done on Saturday, you’ll be sick of seeing me write how much I want to be wrong. But not tomorrow: tomorrow’s actually good news. See you then.

I’m a little reluctant to write this. On the one hand, it would be good to get it off my chest, and it would probably help my fellow Caps fans to better understand where I’m coming from. On the other, I’m less than comfortable putting this up on the web for all the world to read. But with as little traffic as I get–three figures is a very good day for me–not that many people are going to see it anyway. So…what the heck, why not?

A couple of days ago, one of the more visible–or at least, more audible–Caps fans gave me a good zinging on the Capitals message boards. I completely misread his intent, and ended up giving him both barrels in return. That got ‘em talking, as they say, and I know there’s been a lot of discussion just from the page count. I have yet to read any of it, as I spent most of last night responding privately to the person in question. The tenor of his initial message to me was that he was only kidding in good fun, and, in essence, that I get a lot of ribbing because I’m liked. I wrote him a longish apology, which he accepted. Still, there’s a whole forum’s worth of Caps fans who probably want to know what the heck that was all about. So, here goes.

The truth is–and this is not to sound like I’m throwing a pity party here, but it’s true–I have almost no experience with being liked. I almost have no frame of reference when it comes to being accepted.

There was a beer commercial a couple of years ago–I want to say it was for Coors Light, but I could be wrong–with the tag line, “Here’s to Love Songs.” It was the one that introduced the “and twins” shtick which ended up jumping the shark in a hurry. The one line in there which still haunts me is, “I love burritos at 4 AM.” Haunts me? Yes. Because I knew that that was something I’d never get to experience. I don’t have a group of friends that would be out at 4 AM eating burritos. No, check that–I don’t have an organized group of friends, period. It’s my fault, really: I’m not out seeking, so there’s no way I’ll ever find.

And the thing is, it’s not just romantic love that’s missing and not missed, as I wrote about a while back. It’s everything. Heck, I even keep my own family at a distance: even though my brother’s family is close enough to the Metro that I could see them anytime I asked, I don’t. My nephew and niece are growing up fast, and I barely see them. As an uncle, I’m a failure.

But when you’re a one-man “out crowd” for most of your formative years, when you grow up with very few close friends, and when you get it hammered into your head that in the end, the only person you can trust is the person in the mirror, it’s not that easy to get away from that mind-set.

I grew up an Army brat, and that made for quite the nomadic life for the first decade and a half of my life. Every couple of years, the boxes would come out, everything would be packed away, and I’d have to start from scratch in a new city–and sometimes, a new country. The names and faces I grew up with were always changing; I lost touch with almost all of them as soon as we got to our new duty station.

We finally ended up settling down–sort of–in Harford County, Maryland, in the late 80’s. And from 7th grade all the way through high school, I was with the same group of kids. But I didn’t fit in. I was a choir boy, both figuratively and literally (I made All-State Chorus my junior year), and that wasn’t exactly the popular thing to be doing. I got by, but it wasn’t fun. I never got beaten up or anything crazy like that, but I also never got invited to Sadie Hawkins, either. I left people alone, and was pretty much ignored in return–when I wasn’t being incessantly picked on. There were a few exceptions, but those pretty much proved the rule. I have yet to attend a class reunion: frankly, I doubt I’m missed.

I was generally liked at my church youth group, but being liked didn’t end up getting me any friends away from youth group activities. They liked me when I was in the group, but away from the group, there were none of those 4 AM burritos. Even in a group where I did everything I could to fit in, I was accepted–but that was as far as it went. I’ve lost touch with all of them, as well.

From there, it was on to a hitch in the Navy that didn’t go at all as I’d hoped it would. When I got to my first permanent duty station, I ended up on the wrong end of the office politics, and that was misery enough. Now add being at sea for, sometimes, two consecutive months. I had to get by, again, more or less alone: I had no choice.

So by the time I was old enough to drink–not that I would, but at that age–I had pretty much resigned myself to a life of solitude. I’d been without close friends for most of my life, and had learned how to get by–”live” is too strong a word–without them. Being alone actually was more comfortable than being with other people–still is. Maybe I’m just so comfortable being an out crowd of one that I’m unconsciously trying to stay that way, and losing friends in the process.

But there’s more to it than that.

Not long after I left the service, I started having spiritual experiences that were, let’s just say, less than pleasant. My church was less than helpful: while they admittedly did all they could, the results were incomplete. I started investigating angels because I knew that they were the ones who could fight this directly. I asked for help, received that help, and saw firsthand the power of the forces of Light. Louis, I think that was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Ever since, I’ve done what I could to advance the Light. I’m no saint, and frankly, I’m about as imperfect as it gets. I can’t do much: a few kind words here, a few prayers there, perhaps some distance healing work over there. I’ve been lovingly told–more than once–that it’s not my job to save the world; it’s to live the best life I know how to live, and shine the Light as best I know how to shine it.

But Light is only half of it. There’s Darkness out there, as well.

When I say that there’s a war on for my soul–which I believe there is–that doesn’t make me unique in any way. Because there’s a war going on for the soul of every human being, and that includes you. You may not be consciously aware of it, but it’s happening nonetheless.

I have seen both Light and Darkness at work in my life. I’ve known raw fear; I’ve seen unbridled hatred; I’ve lived with debilitating guilt; and I’ve experienced pure, unadulterated hopelessness. Darkness isn’t pleasant, and it’s no fun to fail in my struggles to defeat it–both Darkness without, and the seed of Darkness which all of us carry within.

But I’ve also felt the comforting love of an angelic embrace; experienced the peace that passes understanding; known, if infrequently, the simple joy of being alive; and seen firsthand the superhuman mercy of God.

That’s why I try my hardest to stay close to the Light. That’s why I always end up coming back, in my writing, to Spirit. That’s why I try, and fail, and try again, to live the holiest life I can.

And that’s another part of why I over-reacted with so much fear to that well-intentioned ribbing the other night. Drugs are something I can’t find funny in the least: they’re an engraved, gold-plated invitation to the Darkness without, and they nurture and feed the Darkness within. And the idea of losing the Light–not just losing it, throwing it away–was something that scared the hell out of me. Or, more properly, scared the hell into me–seeing it again, it wasn’t a response of the Light. So despite my apology having been accepted, the wrongness of what I wrote still lingers. I failed. I have to do better next time.

Coming full circle, that’s one reason I love the Capitals as much as I do. Everyone in the organization, from Ted Leonsis on down, has accepted me as is: outlandish dress, goofy spirituality, funky lightshows, 8-shots-of-espresso hyperactivity, the whole bit. Game night for the Caps is my time to play, too, and even though I have a unique way of cheering on the team, it’s accepted–at least, to my face.

Still, I do wonder sometimes how much of it is genuine, and how much is just good business sense. My seat in 417 would be very easy to sell if I could no longer come to games. When it comes right down to it, I’m replaceable. The Caps would do no better, and no worse, if I weren’t there. So at the end of the day, nothing that I do really matters one way or the other. My blog is niche, and goes mostly unread and unheeded. The players may very well see my lights on the bench, but they’re not being encouraged, never mind inspired, by them. If I weren’t there, I wouldn’t be missed.

Or so I tell myself when the loneliness really gets to me. I guess I’m not so comfortable being alone after all.

Excepting private messages, I do not plan on reading or replying to the Capitals boards for the balance of this week. I need to retreat, heal up, and make final preparations for a long hockey season ahead. I do intend to be at Kettler this Sunday for rookie camp. Hope to see you there.

CAPITAL SPIRIT
RETREAT

Here’s where we start to look at the more spiritual side of the question of how the Caps will do this year. The first position at the base of the staff shows the general state of the team as things stand right now. Fortunately, the news is good, if not exactly stellar. The cards here are Temperance and 6 of Swords reversed.

Temperance is one card I like to see. In the Major Arcana, Temperance (#14) is an oasis of calm that breaks up the “scary” cards that run from The Hanged Man at 12 to The Tower at 16. Death is at 13, The Devil is 15, and nobody likes to see those kinds of cards come out in a reading. Everyone faces challenges in life, and that’s what those particular cards represent. (In order: The Hanged Man, wait and see; Death, endings; The Devil, temptation; The Tower, the unexpected.) That’s a very, very bad oversimplification, but it’s enough to get me off this tangent and back to talking about Temperance.

Temperance, if I were to put it in hockey terms, is about teamwork and success as a team. Temperance represents harmony and balance. And that’s part of where the team stands right now: in a harmonious, balanced state, ready to take on all comers. Great news, right? Well, hang on a minute.

That 6 of Swords reversed complicates the picture a bit. Face-up, the 6 of Swords represents, knowledge, and progress towards a goal. Reversed, it’s still a card of progress–just not as much. It’s not a length-of-the-ice shot into an empty net: it’s more like a two-on-one breakaway with the goalie still in. You can score that way, it’s just not as easy as it is when the net’s empty (duh). That’s what happens when the 6 of Swords is reversed: you’ll still get a shot, it just won’t be a gimme.

So, how do those two cards work together? Put simply, the team is on the same page and committed to progress. It’s just that the progress won’t be as plain sailing as perhaps some of us would like it to be.

Now, sometimes, how you do in hockey is not entirely in your own hands. Sometimes, there are outside factors which will influence your success. What those outside factors are, and how they may influence the season, is what I’ll be discussing tomorrow.

In the Immediate Future position, we take a look at what may happen sooner rather than later. I’m very strongly feeling the word “preseason” as I focus on these two cards, and I’m going to go with that. So, no harm, no foul on these two: they won’t change the season standings. Or will they? A good camp and a good preseason can set you up for out-the-gate success in the regular campaign, and wins in October are just as important as wins in March. That said, let’s consider the two cards in the immediate future: 7 of Chalices reversed and Queen of Wands reversed.

Remember how, last Friday, for the Crossing card, we had a Fire-Water setup with Strength and The Moon? We’re getting the same high-energy mix here, only in the Minor Arcana. And instead of both cards being face-up, both of these cards are reversed. So if we look at these two cards just based on their elements, it could be an interesting preseason, and I mean that in the Chinese sense.

The 7 of Chalices reversed, what of that one? This card can refer to having too many choices, and perhaps illusions of success. But when reversed, it can refer to false hopes and an actual fear of success. That’s not a bad thing to have in the preseason, on the one hand. Being too good in September may result in a nasty surprise in October. Of course, a bad preseason isn’t something to actually strive for–just ask the Redskins a couple of seasons ago. Still, there’s no need, I think, to be afraid to succeed right away. Knock ‘em dead, and carry the momentum into the regular campaign. Why not? I know teams use the preseason to evaluate the youngsters, and that will happen one way or the other. Still, it’s better to have too many options on the roster (upright 7 of Chalices) than it is to be afraid of having all those choices (reversed).

Now, what kind of person is the Queen of Wands reversed? She’s not someone you’d like to know: bitter, domineering, envious, overbearing, and shall I contine with this? Now, I’ve never seen the movie or read the book “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”, but I’ve heard of Nurse Ratched, and that’s what I’m sensing. Come here, Wikipedia…okay. Wow. That’s her, pretty much. So if this refers to a person, that person could make things even more interesting over the next couple of weeks. If this isn’t a person, and instead refers to a more powerful energy, it would be fire-type energy, and it would be a little too powerful for its own good. It could refer to–not control of the team’s spiritual energy, but more like micromanagement.

Now, both of those are Minor Arcana cards, and can be avoided with a change in course. Will that happen? Doubt it.

Next up, we’ll start looking at the less-visible side of the house. The next position will show what’s surrounding the team as a whole. The news gets better tomorrow, so I hope to see you back here then.